The Worst Movie Ever Made

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If finding an exceptional movie is cause for celebration then Bat Pussy deserves a ticker-tape parade. It is truly the worst movie I have ever seen and I have put in my time trudging through the fetid bowels of the cinema world. Bat Pussy provides an invaluable line in the sand that marks the extreme end of a continuum. Bat Pussy is the golden measure against which all other films can be calibrated. It is my belief that it is the duty of all who would count themselves cinephiles to subject themselves to this cinematic disaster in order to cultivate a sense of scale.

Legend has it that the cans containing this celluloid abomination were found in a closet of a condemned porn theater. There are no credits to identify the perpetrators who birthed the atrocity, but it is believed that it was made in the late1960s. It is referred to as a pornographic comedy although it fails to fulfill either these descriptors. You could view it ironically, seriously, as a metaphor or any way you like but it will still be abysmal.

The bulk of the film depicts a singularly unattractive couple clumsily mauling each other in bed while arguing and complaining. At no time during the entire film does the man achieve an erection of any kind. The couple argue and insult each other and then mush their bodies together in profoundly unappealing ways. Almost all the footage is shot from the foot of the bed by a camera sitting motionless on a tripod as lifeless as the male character’s penis.

The only time we are spared this single interminable shot is to find Bat Pussy making her way to join the couple. When she arrives she strips out of her ill fitting bat costume and joins in on the awkward manhandling. At one point she is flung from the bed due to an over-enthusiastic attempt at cunnilingus and falls hard on the floor. The actors are all surprised and a little shaken. They look past the camera at what must have been the director, to see what they should do. Unfortunately they seem to receive instructions to just keep going and they do.

You can use any avenue of critique that you like: lighting, filming, acting, directing, plot, arousal factor, but this movie does not plumb the depths, it is the floor, the absolute zero, the end of the line and for that reason alone it is worth watching about five minutes of it.

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