No One Knows Who Made Robot Love Slaves

Meet Marge and her husband Clark two crazy kids stuck in a loveless marriage. It seems that Clark is set to inherit 5 million dollars and Marge is plotting to kill him, grab the dough and run away with her secret boyfriend Dr. Dicks.

Marge is pretending that she has broken a vertebra and is paralyzed from the waist down. She sits around all day and hurls insults at poor Clark, but Clark is no fool, he has been secretly working on a robotic sex slave in what appears to be the basement. Please note the nuanced acting provided by the unnamed actress who portrays the robot. Even in the stills provided below, you can see for yourself how she completely transforms herself into an automaton. You’d never guess she was a real human, and this is the genius of Robot Love Slave!

With the women of the film being robots, there is a blanket justification for their distant and detached faces while they endure vigorous, and I mean vigorous simulated sex.

Making soft-core pornography is inherently challenging. A director has to find a way to film an extended sex scene that will suffice for masturbation purposes without really showing anything. Robot Love Slaves fails miserably, but then so do most soft-core movies. It’s always the same they show women riding a man’s belly button to feign copulation or a man licking a woman’s bellybutton to feign cunnilingus. Either way, there are a lot of wet bellybuttons and very little arousal.

Marge, the one human woman, is a terrifying sex partner. There is a protracted scene in the bathtub where she appears to be trying to rub her vagina off of her body. While she is doing this we are treated to a Muzak version of The Beatles’ Hey Jude. The visuals give the lyrics “the minute you let her under your skin, then you begin to make it better” a deeply creepy undertone. Later in the same scene, we hear What a Wonderful World but by then there is no healing the trauma that has already been done to eyes.

The rest of the film is just scored with the obligatory Moog synthesizer, after all, it is a science fiction film. Picture Pink Floyd on acid… wait that doesn’t make sense. Picture Wendy Carlos on acid.

No one knows who made Robot Love Slaves but it was released in 1971. It’s only an hour long but it seems like an eternity. It’s not just the clumsy rubbing and mauling, it’s the relentless close-ups and fake moaning that real tire you out.

Clark ends up making four robots. We get to see the construction of the fourth which the narrator explains comes with “all the human emotions and all the savoir-faire a man or a woman could ask for.” This hopefully makes up for what looks to me like her having to use a CPAP machine for her sleep apnea. (See film still below)

Once they are finished Clark sends his fembots out into the world to have sex with selected test subjects. This gives the filmmaker license to edit in old porn clips like the one he found featuring Candy Samples as a bored housewife looking for some action.

The film gets awfully close to hardcore in her scene. We see the robot spread eagle on the bed while Candy very carefully licks around the edge of the robot’s pubic hair. There is a harsh spotlight focused on the action which washes out the area in question and perhaps keeps it from crossing over into xxx territory.

The two ladies, or should I say the lady and the robot are discovered by the husband and the narrator utters a very strangely constructed sentence “When the master discovered them, the durability of the robot to the maximum output was put to the final test.” As you can see below the robots do indeed face some fairly rigorous tests.

In the end, Clark sicks his sexbots on his wife. They molest her and then begin to bite her. Clark triumphantly announces that he has equipped the robots with poison teeth and happily gloats over Marge’s demise. We close with a close up of his face and a last missive from the narrator. The audio is garbled and seems to have been cut up, what follows is an exact transcription, “What wanted to do to Clark Clark did to them. Crime never loving or too much do you think.”

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